Two years ago today I held a slip of paper in my hand; It was our foster care license. We had been in the process for 9 months exactly, but had been planning and preparing for foster children our whole lives.
I was excited and anxious, feeling pregnant with expectation. I had no idea that just down the road from me, the girl who would become my daughter, was in the process of being born. I couldn’t know the pain or circumstances that would bring her to me. I couldn’t have known the depth of the trouble her first parents found themselves in.
It took us a little while to find one another but I like to think that receiving that paper on the exact day she was born was no coincidence. My God is in the details and he knew how significant these details would be to my heart. I waited so much longer than just nine months for her. So much longer than the days it took for her to find her way to me. I waited my whole life for my daughter. I prayed for her, I cried for her, I waited on her.
I didn’t know how it would all end in the moment the social worker placed her in my arms. I didn’t know that on September 15, 2014 I’d get to call her my forever girl. I didn’t know the heartbreak and beauty that those 19 months would bring. I don’t know what the future heart breaks will be, but I know there will be beauty, there will be glory and there will be love.
I think daily of her first parents. I wonder if they are thinking of her. If they will reach out to us. If we should reach out to them. I wonder, wonder, wonder. Does she look like her? Does she laugh like him? Will we know them?
The past 2 years has been more than I ever dreamed it would be. I am the lucky one to have her daily.
To hear her giggle.
To see her smile.
To kiss the tears of pain and tiredness away.
To snuggle her close and wipe her nose.
To clean up after her for the millionth time she has pulled out all the books.
I am the lucky one who gets to watch her sleep and rock her late at night.
Watching her learn and grow and be adventurous…she is my wild.
She is everything I ever imagined my daughter might be. And more.
Watching her grow is so full of bittersweet moments. Moments when I think it’s heartbreaking they are missing this.
Foster care and adoption is hard. It’s hard for us, hard for these sweet children and hard for their first parents who sometimes just can’t help themselves.
But today? Today is full of beauty and grace and joy overflowing and love.
Love wins every time, and one day I hope we will get the opportunity to shower love on her first family. That one day we will celebrate our daughter together.
Dropping Anchors is a foster care blog created by a group of foster mamas from all over North America.
“Fearing that we would be dashed against the rocks, they dropped four anchors from the stern and prayed for daylight.”
“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.”
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