This past week at work I had three 3rd grade girls in my office together. The oldest saw a picture of my daughters and exclaimed, “They look NOTHING like you!” I explained that is because they are Hispanic and I am not. All three girls looked confused so I followed up with, “They are adopted…So am I.”
The first girl says, “Oh. Do you ever see your birth mom?”
“No, not since I was 17 years old,” I explained.
She quietly responds, “I haven’t seen my birth dad in a long time.”
I said, “Me either.”
The second girl looks at me and says, “I haven’t seen my dad in a long time either. I think he is in another state.”
Then the third girl says solemnly, “I haven’t seen my dad in a long time either- I don’t even know where he is.”
So there sat four girls (me included) and none of us have seen our birth dads in years.
I consider myself the lucky one in this quartet as I had a man step up and be everything a Dad is supposed to be. I have no hole left where a dad should be in my heart. He filled that. I feel blessed that my daughters have my husband who has stepped up for them, so they will not feel this hole in their hearts.
But at that moment my heart was broken. So terribly broken.
Three little girls, who just happen to be in the same office at the same time, have no dad at home to show them how a man should treat a women. Instead, they have been shown the exact opposite. What does this say about our society? I highly doubt it was by a strange coincidence that these three ended up in my office at once. I, unfortunately, think it is the norm in today’s society with our young men and women.
I am pleading with men everywhere- DO YOUR PART IN RAISING THESE CHILDREN! Little girls need daddies. They need to you show them how a woman should expect to be treated by a significant other. Show them they are worthy of a healthy relationship with a man. Show them a man that thinks they are the light of the world. Show them how to be tough, yet feminine. Show them unconditional love. Not a father yet? YOU STILL HAVE A PART! You are part of this village. This village that shows boys how to become men. Showcase respect for women, respect for others. Show them how a true man should act. Step up for boys without fathers and be a role model for them. Statistics show that fatherless children have an increased risk of poverty, drug and alcohol abuse, and physical and emotional health issues.
Young women- KNOW YOUR WORTH! Do not let this cycle continue. By all means, I am in no way saying this is the end all be all for single mothers, but I highly suspect a large part of single mothers fall into this category. Know you are worthy of a man who thinks you hung the moon. Know you are worthy of someone who will stick around when the going gets tough. Know you are worthy of respect. Know you are worthy of being loved… truly loved… unconditionally.
“Fathers, be good to your daughters;
Daughters will love like you do.”
“Girls become lovers who turn into mothers;
So mothers, be good to your daughters too”
Daughters by John Mayer
For more statistics or ways you can help end the fatherless epidemic please visit these links:
- National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse
- Growing Up Without A Father
- National Fatherhood Initiative