How to tick off a Mama Bear with 5 little words

“Did you have them tested?” she asked.

“Tested for WHAT?!” I replied while secretly hoping she wouldn’t say what I thought she would say. But alas, she did.

“You know… to make sure they aren’t… (whispers) ‘crazy‘ before you decided to keep them.”

SCREEEECH!!! HOLD UP! *Cue Mama Bear*

“What did you just ask me about my children??? Did I test them before deciding to keep them?? Did you test your bio kids before you decided to keep them? No? Why not?? What if they try to kill you in your sleep one night?!”

Okay, so maybe that wasn’t the most grace filled response, but seriously this random lady person I just met decided that should be one of her first questions to me? At least she stopped talking at that point and backed away slowly. *Mama Bear:1, Random Person:0*

Let me tell you a few things about children in foster care and children that are adopted:

  1. They are children. That’s right. Children. Wild to think about, eh?
  2. They need love and they give love. Just the same as all other children.
  3. They have experienced things that most children have not. This can lead to different behaviors and thought processes. But, still… they are children.
  4. Their background is none of your business. They are children and still deserve privacy.
  5. If no one would ever ask you the question you are about to ask me about your bio children, then don’t ask it about my foster or adoptive children. Once again, they are all children.
  6. Do not make assumptions about children in foster care or children that are adopted being “bad”, “evil”, “crazy”, or any other super inappropriate and derogatory term you might muster up. They are children. Assume about them the same as you assume about any other child.
  7. Don’t ask ridiculously ignorant and judgemental questions- it’s rude, it makes you look rude, and makes Mama Bear angry. You don’t want an angry Mama Bear on your tail.

Listen, I know there are a LOT of misconceptions regarding foster children and much of that comes from the media where movies show crazed foster children that kill their parents, torment siblings, and more, but seriously, it’s 2017… can we please get over this dramatic show of evil foster children and start casting them as they are: children. Can you maybe access the internet and research on how to help these children, or ask a meaningful and helpful question to the foster parent, adoptive parent, or… wait for it… the actual CHILD??

Mama Bear

Here are a few step by step ways to not sound ignorant and rude about foster care and adoption and not tick off a Mama Bear:

Step 1) Stop with the misconceptions and prejudgements on foster and adoptive children based on things they have no control over

Step 2) Remember they are children

Step 3) Treat them with the respect that all children deserve


Alisha Signature


About Alisha Palmer

Alisha is an adult adoptee that has been a therapeutic and medically fragile foster parent since 2012, caring for many children from medically fragile infants to therapeutic teenagers, and numerous in between. In 2015 she adopted their two amazing daughters from the foster care system. She is a foster care and adoption advocate who strives to encourage others to step out of their comfort zone and into this world, providing love and stability to children during their darkest times. Follow her on Instagram @alishaypalmer.
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3 Responses to How to tick off a Mama Bear with 5 little words

  1. melissairee says:

    Thank you!!!! Several people have asked me about being worried about future issues, and I respond with “you never know with any kid!” It’s just annoying.

    • Right? Anyone at any given time can have a variety of issues or needs unrelated to foster care or adoption. I just can’t stand these children being labeled and judged from something they have zero control over.

  2. Pingback: How to tick off a Mama Bear with 5 little words – Foster Parents Article – Parents Blog

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